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Sarah Palin

Sarah Palin

You know, Kathy Griffin can do anything to me or say anything about me, because you know, she’s kind of this – she’s a 50-year-old adult bully is really what she is

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Amanda Seyfried

Amanda Seyfried

I talk like I know what I’m saying, but I don’t

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Kate Winslet

Kate Winslet

Everyone dumps all this sh-t on me, all the f-cking time. (Melissa) is right, though. She is absolutely right. I have got to hand it to her, and she did curse on the stage of the Academy Awards. That’s my kind of cool. I sent her a text message (that read): ‘Is that f-cking you, Melissa? You motherf-cking cow,’ and the bitch hasn’t called me back!

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Christian Bale / Melissa Leo

Christian Bale / Melissa Leo

Melissa… I’m not gonna drop the F-bomb like she did. I’ve done that plenty before

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Colin Firth at The Golden Globes

Colin Firth at The Golden Globes

I don’t know if this qualifies as gentle reassurance, but right now, this is all that stands between me and a Harley Davidson

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Justin Bieber

Justin Bieber

I’m crazy, I’m nuts. Just the way my brain works. I’m not normal. I think differently – my mind is always racing. I’m just…nuts

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Santa Claus

Santa Claus

Ho, ho, ho

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Bob Saget

Bob Saget

They came to my benefit. They were incredibly loving and generous. The joke I have with them is that I diapered them. They were three months old and doing the show and I also had a baby and there was a time when I knew how to diaper them really quickly. Of course, I had permission.

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Nicki Minaj

Nicki Minaj

I have the same power as these boys. There’s nothing different between me and the boys—except they have a twig and berries. … I think girls are sexy, but I’m not gonna lie and say I date girls. Sex is the last thing on my mind right now anyway

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Kevin James

Kevin James

Thanksgiving, man. Not a good day to be my pants

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